wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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