The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Randomize
