Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
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