Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
