Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
