i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
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