i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
It's just like the Real World with babies
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Come back. Shots need mouths.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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