Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
