last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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