girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
Life without a bra equals bliss.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
