it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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