Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Randomize
