1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
