I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
it's like iHOP with fire
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
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