Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize
