So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
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