Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Randomize
