weddingsv make me drug and hornr
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
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