Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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