I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Randomize
