So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
