Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Randomize
