whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
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