he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Randomize
