I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
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