I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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