he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
