The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
