I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
Girls should come with a carfax report
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Randomize
