bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Randomize
