using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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