i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
