can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
