As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Randomize
