I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Randomize
