We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Randomize
