I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
