I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
Randomize
