Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Randomize
