Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
it's like iHOP with fire
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Randomize
