Well douche your snatch and let's go!
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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