The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
