he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Randomize
