I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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