The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
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