Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
