I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
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