who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
