just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
