I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
