he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Randomize
