He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Randomize
