I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
