My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Randomize
