did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
