o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
