I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
