Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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