I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Randomize