Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
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