Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Randomize
