last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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