sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
im about as happy as oj after his trial
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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