they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
