Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
