btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
