Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
