Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Randomize
