I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
