She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
My life is pants optional.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
