I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Randomize
