I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
