I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Randomize
