I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
Randomize
